The Gap Between "Should" and "Actually Doing": Understanding Executive Functioning and Procrastination
We've all been there. You know exactly what you need to do. You might even have a list. And yet, somehow, you find yourself reorganizing your desk, scrolling through social media, or suddenly remembering a task that absolutely cannot wait — anything except the thing that actually moves the needle.
If that sounds familiar, you're not lazy, broken, or uniquely flawed. You're experiencing what therapists and researchers call a breakdown in executive functioning — and according to Dr. Paige and Melinda Murphy, LPC, hosts of The Dual Force podcast, it's one of the most universal struggles they see.
What Is Executive Functioning, Really?
Executive functioning is the brain's management system. It's how we organize tasks, manage time, plan, prioritize, and follow through. As Melinda explains, our minds actually love structure. They want to operate in an orderly fashion. But not everyone's brain organizes the same way — and that's where the friction begins.
"We call this phenomenon executive functioning, or the lack thereof," Melinda says. "Our minds really love structure and love being able to organize tasks in a very orderly fashion. But for some individuals who struggle with being orderly — what they call Type A personalities — they can create lists and mark off every little thing. I've tried that before, and lists don't work for me."
The key insight: executive functioning isn't about willpower. It's about finding the right system for your particular brain.
Not All Lists Are Created Equal
Dr. Paige admits she was "conditioned to be a Type A person" from a young age — color-coordinated books, organized everything, a life built on lists. But about a year and a half ago, she had a realization: she wasn't actually Type A. She was Type B, and learning to embrace that has been both challenging and liberating.
The hosts explore several task-management tools that go beyond the traditional to-do list:
The Eisenhower Matrix
Melinda swears by this one. Instead of a single vertical list, the matrix splits tasks into four quadrants:
Priority — the must-dos for today
Second to priority — important but not urgent
Want to do — things you'd like to get to
Not so important — nice to have, can wait
"Being able to see, okay, I know I have to do these three things today, and then if I get done with those and I want to move into this category, I can — that really helps my brain," Melinda explains.
The Three-Layer Cake Method
Dr. Paige discovered this through podcaster Kacia Ghetmiri. Your top three priorities are your "three-layer cake." Complete those, and anything else you accomplish is just sprinkles on top. It reframes productivity as layered rather than linear, making it feel less overwhelming and more rewarding.
Google Calendar
Sometimes the simplest tool wins. Melinda credits Google Calendar as her lifesaver: "I love Google. Shout out to Google." (They're still waiting for that sponsorship.)
Productive Procrastination: The Sneaky Trap
One of the most relatable moments in the episode is Dr. Paige's confession about productive procrastination — the art of doing genuinely useful things to avoid the one thing that matters most.
"The trap that I get stuck in often is productive procrastination," she says. "I'm avoiding the one thing that's going to move the needle, but I'm doing all these other things that also need to be done. So it's easier to justify."
Melinda adds: "You're finding ways to fill the gap, but it's satisfying too. You're still checking things off your list — maybe closer towards the bottom, or the fun stuff first. And then you hop back into, 'Oh, now I'm on a time crunch. Now I have to get those done.'"
Sound familiar? The dopamine hit of checking off smaller tasks masks the fact that you're avoiding the big one. And the cycle continues.
"I Work Well Under Pressure" — Or Do You?
Many people wear their ability to work under pressure as a badge of honor. But Dr. Paige connects this to a concept from a previous episode: the window of tolerance.
Your window of tolerance is your optimal zone — where you function best. If you genuinely thrive under pressure, that likely means you're living in a state of hyperarousal. Everything feels urgent. Everything feels like a crisis.
Melinda, a trauma survivor herself, explains why this feels comfortable for some people:
"We love to live in that space because it helps us prepare for the worst case scenario. If we're sitting in optimal arousal, how does our body know we're safe when throughout our childhood we had to prepare for the worst thing? We learned that our body responds better to preparing for the worst case scenario because it's doing its job."
In other words, if your nervous system learned early on that calm = danger (because calm was always interrupted by chaos), then hyperarousal becomes your comfort zone. Procrastination isn't a character flaw — it's a survival mechanism that keeps you in that familiar state of urgency.
The Procrastination Loop
Here's how the cycle typically works:
You know what you need to do.
You avoid it — scrolling, binge-watching, doing "easier" tasks, or filling time with anything else.
The deadline approaches. Pressure builds.
You squeeze it in at the last minute.
You pull it off (because you're resourceful and capable).
You feel proud. You tell yourself you "work well under pressure."
You reinforce the pattern. Repeat.
As Melinda puts it: "We don't become experts at procrastination. We just prove to ourselves over and over again that it's possible to get these things done."
The problem? This loop keeps your nervous system stuck in survival mode. Over time, it leads to burnout, illness, and a disconnection from what it feels like to work from a place of calm.
Building Trust With Yourself
So how do you break the cycle? Dr. Paige shares a powerful personal story about training for a marathon.
After committing to a marathon training program, she had to hit specific mileage targets each week. Every time she completed a run, it felt like a dopamine hit — not from the exercise itself, but from proving to herself that she could keep a promise.
"I felt like I was actually doing tasks that I used to put off all the time because I had proved to myself that I can do the thing that I said I was going to do."
This is the core of rebuilding executive functioning: self-trust. When you repeatedly follow through on commitments — even small ones — you teach your nervous system that you're reliable, that tasks don't have to be emergencies, and that you're safe outside of crisis mode.
Melinda connects this to motivation: "The more you can prove that to yourself, the more you're going to want to do it. Hitting those milestones every single week — that is such a reward, and it keeps you motivated to keep going."
The Illusion of "Too Big"
One of the most poignant moments in the episode comes when Dr. Paige talks about letting her apartment get messy during a heavy training block.
"The more we procrastinate something, the bigger it feels, and we think it's going to take so much time," she says. "My apartment was gross. I just kept pushing it off. And then I literally spent an hour and a half one day, just cleaned everything up, and I was like, 'Whoa. It feels so much better.'"
The task that felt insurmountable in her mind took 90 minutes in reality. This is the procrastination tax: the longer you avoid something, the more mental energy you spend thinking about avoiding it — energy that often exceeds the effort of just doing it.
The Grief of Letting Go
Toward the end of the episode, Dr. Paige touches on something rarely discussed: the grief of losing a version of yourself.
She spent years believing she was Type A. Her identity was built around being organized, efficient, always on top of things. Letting go of that identity — and having compassion for who she actually is — required grieving the person she thought she was supposed to be.
This kind of grief is invisible. No one sends a sympathy card when you stop performing an identity that was never truly yours. But it's real, and it's a necessary part of building a life that actually works for your brain — not the one you were conditioned to maintain.
Practical Steps to Get Started
Melinda closes with a concrete list of executive functioning skills to practice:
Focus on one task at a time
Set achievable goals — and remember they're flexible, not set in stone
Work toward your goals incrementally, not all at once
Learn to respond rather than react
Integrate multiple steps gradually
Explore multiple possibilities — there's no single "right" way
Manage your time intentionally, with tools that fit your brain
Plan and organize in whatever format works for you
If you want to go deeper on goal-setting, the hosts reference their earlier episode on SMART goals as a companion resource.
A Final Word
Dr. Paige's closing message is simple but powerful: "Have compassion for yourself. This is not easy work."
There's no finish line for executive functioning. It's not a problem you solve once and never revisit. It's a practice — one that requires patience, self-awareness, and the willingness to keep showing up even when you fall back into old patterns.
The good news? Every time you keep a small promise to yourself, you're rewiring your brain to believe that calm is safe, that tasks don't have to be emergencies, and that you are someone who follows through.
And that, as Dr. Paige would say, is better than any badge of honor.
Listen to the full episode of The Dual Force wherever you get your podcasts. If today's episode sparked something in you, pass it along to someone who needs that reminder.
